Before you could talk, I listened.

Count they said.

I was holding you
in my arms
for the second hour
of your life
and the nurse told me
all the ways
I should plan
to count
and tally
and track.

The feedings
the ounces,
the pumping
and freezing,
the diapers,
how many
#1s and 2s,
wake windows
sleep windows.

Here’s an app
for bottles
and naps,
and everything
in between.

I nodded,
but I knew
all I needed
was to look at you,
listen to you.

They just took you
out of me,
I don’t need an app
to tell me
when to feed you,
to hold you.

It helped that you
were my second,
even if I and all of this
was your first.

I counted everything
with my first
and almost lost myself,
completely.

But this time
I had this knowing
about me,
and within me,
that you
would guide me
and I would guide you,
too.

We were in this
together,
and we would spend
more time
matching breaths
than counting,
anything.

Thank god
for the knowing
this second time round
thank god
for surviving
the first.